my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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