Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
