If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
