my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
