you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
