you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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