I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
