i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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