I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
should my penis look like a turkey
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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