When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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