sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
