i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
