I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
