When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
