We won't sleep together?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
