I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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