Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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