Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
