i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She even gives head with a lisp.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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