a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
