EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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