Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
