Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
