living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
