we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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