She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just cut my nipple shaving
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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