I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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