i think i have two assholes
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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