we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
