best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
