Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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