Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
