I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
