she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just want to make out with him forever
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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