YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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