She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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