She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
