I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
