Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
