I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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