remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
