Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
