My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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