I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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