I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
