So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
