you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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