Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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