He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
