THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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