do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
