You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
