Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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