i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
