Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she woke up with a sticky ear
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
