I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
