I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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