Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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