My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
