Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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