He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
