Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
