frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize