I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
