I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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