You just made me feel so damn special
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
