I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
