im about as happy as oj after his trial
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
