i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize