I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
