god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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