Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
