i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize