My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
