just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
