I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Can I color on your dick again?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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