Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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