Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
