I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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