You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
